Why you shouldn’t get promoted from the job you hate

*** Warning this is just for jokes! This is not to be taken as advice in any way***

The only time I’ve been promoted was from a job that didn’t exist that I invented to get an actual job. I shouldn’t have bothered. I was quickly sacked for my disruptive behaviour.

I work in terrible jobs with little or no progression opportunities. I’ve only ever seen one colleague promoted, and she had to snitch on her colleagues first. Your options are to become an informant to Management or to work your fingers to the bone for years in the hope of promotion. I don’t like the idea of either.

I prefer hardly working to working hard and promotion is overrated anyway. You will have more face time with the Manager you hate, who will demand more from you. You will be expected to laugh at his crap jokes, contribute in meetings and to really care about the company. How is anyone capable of this!

The further up the ladder you climb, the harder it is to get off. Promotion is a Faustian pact with the devil. You will be complicit in your Managers underhand attempts to bleed more from your colleagues. Before you know it you will be carrying out his dirty work yourself. Taking notes in disciplinary meetings, whilst eating over-priced sandwiches and conspiring on who’s next to be fired. You don’t want this unless you are a sadist or a jobsworth. In either case I don’t want you reading my blog!

I stay on the bottom rung of the ladder until I’m quickly rumbled for not being the enthusiastic go getter I portrayed in my interview. This is usually within my first week when I turn up late and hung-over, wearing yesterdays creased shirt and an obnoxious smirk. If I was to be promoted I would have to behave appropriately and worse still, manage people like myself. I’d end up trying to sack myself but wouldn’t be able to as I’m too good at covering my tracks.

My Manager asked me why our competitors are the more profitable business. I suggested they had better Managers. He laughed, until he realised I wasn’t joking. I left him in stunned silence as I walked out of the office chuckling. I enjoy flirting with dismissal by tormenting my Manager with intermittent needling digs. This is much more fun than entering the treacherous circle of Management.

I don’t know how to get promoted and I don’t want to.

Next Monday: How to manage a hangover in a job you hate

Written by Martin Stocks

Tweet me at @Stocks1986 https://twitter.com/Stocks1986

Want to find out more about Martin? How to follow him? Tweet him? Read his blog? Then click here: http://oninonline.com/about-our-writers/

How to survive January in the job you hate http://shar.es/9iJ6D

How to survive the Christmas party http://shar.es/OCqxh

How to nail an interview for a job you’ll hate http://ow.ly/rzHmV

How to get away with fraudulent sick days http://ow.ly/rohz3

How to get away with calamitous mistakes http://ow.ly/r8VAA

How to uses your Manager’s jargon against him http://ow.ly/qUWwu

How to let HR know you’re not to be trifled with http://ow.ly/qGtYC