How to hide that you’re applying for other jobs

*** This is not advice and is purely for entertainment purposes only ***

Managers frown on you looking for other jobs, although they’re probably doing so themselves. Everyone wants a better job and after all you could get sacked tomorrow.

If you’re angling for a pay-rise you should let your Manager know you’re looking for other jobs. Leave your screen on a jobsite as you go to the toilet. You could ask his tips on how to update your CV. Tell him you’ll be needing a pay rise imminently. Book off a day’s holiday and then get a friend to email you a supposed job offer. Why not forward this to your Manager?

This should make Management sufficiently panicked to stop dragging their feet about your pay-rise. Tell him you’ve been offered a job with a significantly higher salary. Let that hang and then ask “what can be done to keep me here old sport?” This is a bold move, but if timed when your department is understaffed or if your peers are incompetent it can be very effective.

As he gets this “signed off” by Senior Management why not crank up the pressure further? Tell him the contract for your new job has arrived. Sign some papers and put them in an envelope. Wave this at your Manager and tell him you’ll be posting this at the end of the week unless you get your pay-rise.

After your pay-rise is quickly confirmed, reveal that the envelope actually only contained a birthday card for your Grandma. Pass this to your Manager and say “Add this to the outgoing mail old sport.”

Next Monday: How to hide you were sacked from your last job

Written by Martin Stocks

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