How to use your Manager’s jargon against him

 

Whilst working in sales I have been subjected to the worst examples of Management speak as they try

to threaten and cajole me to make them more money. If you cut a Sales Manager he would emphatic

adjectives and meaningless sound-bites.

Sales Managers are the pimps of the office world, watching you make them money through a series

of humiliating encounters. They are also never happy, “Yes you hit your target, but if you’d have

worked harder you could’ve hit it better”. There really is no way to avoid this verbal drivel. You can

only make the best of a very bad job. Phrases like ‘covering ground’ and ‘smash it’ mean make lots of

phone calls.

Managers are a greedy, uncreative bunch that uses transparent tactics to bleed more from you. The

competition, where you compete with colleagues for a minimal prize. The carrot chase, where you

chase a reward that doesn’t exist (promotion or pay rise). And best of all- the classic redundancy

scare. People will work harder when they feel their jobs are on the line won’t they? Indulge your

Managers and make them think their dirty tricks are working on you. “I better nail this presentation to

safeguard my job right?” Then immediately return to the job-sites.

They like to think that their brand of verbal nonsense is different to every other Sales Manager.

Occasionally slip in one of their stock phrases so they think you’re being inspired by their babble.

Better still deliberately misinterpret their sound-bites and use them literally. When asked to “go mad

on the phone” swivel on your chair, glare madly and sing a tribal chant. Make your Manager explain

what they mean and they might realise the absurdity of their diatribe.

After throwing your chair through the window say, “I honestly thought that’s what you meant

by ‘smash it’.

Next Monday: How to get away with a series of calamitous mistakes.