Review: Who Stole the Tarts at Aynhoe Park

On entering, I was handed a raw carrot and was shown into the rabbit hole. After crawling through I was inside the huge entrance with several bizarrely costumed performers. I listened happily as a jester played the piano and sung to me. It turned out that the lyrics were in fact clues, which I had missed. I asked him to play it again and the lyrics instructed me to enter the main dining area.

A man dressed as a frog or “fwog” grabbed my hand and led me away from the stuffed polar bear and 8 foot tall woman (I think stilts may have been involved, although I didn’t ask in case she was had gigantism). The main dining area had a huge table, with various performers, spectators and taxidermy animals, including a giraffe. We were led past the cocktail bar and to the other bar, which served mixers, beers and ciders. At the far end of this bizarre corridor was the rave room. Strobe lighting, dancers and a giraffe suspended with helium balloons- just a standard start to a night!

Now armed with a rum and coke, carrot and wooden drumstick, which we had acquired somehow, I introduced myself to a character. He yelled at me, describing how Alice fell down the well. I asked him if there were no safety rails on the well. He yelled at me again. I was handed a challis with some cheese, soggy from the tequila it was soaked in. We were told to see the Duchess for the next clue in this mystery.

The Duchesses quarters were guarded by a chainmail clad swordsman, who only allowed us entry after we had tickled him. Inside, various bizarre creatures including a crocodile butler greeted us. The Duchess poured me a tiny cup of what turned out to be tequila. She then made me spin a wheel to decide which song she would perform. This song was belted out a centimetre from our faces, and I was asked afterwards if it made me uncomfortable. If I hadn’t have been laughing so much it would have done.

We were given a clue, which led us to the hearthrug, where we found another clue. I was distracted by the lady dressed in a skin tight cat outfit who purred and rolled on the floor around me. Eventually I managed to avert my gaze from her and quickly worked out the clue. I needed to find a caterpillar.

Now outside to escape the craziness I saw a thirty foot high wooden rabbit. This made me think of The Wicker Man, and I hoped this would be burned later. I ate a delicious pork burger, before offering a bite to the cat girl who was crawling towards us. She instead took a bite of the carrot before telling me she was a vegetarian cat.

I found the caterpillar and he whispered, “It was the rabbit”. There was an announcement and everyone spilled outside towards the huge wooden rabbit. Musicians played as a court room formed and each animal was brought before the Judge. Eventually, the rabbit was found guilty of stealing the Queen’s tarts and was sentenced to death. I thought it was a harsh sentence, but I still joined in with the cries of “burn the bunny”. The bunny was led inside the wooden rabbit and it was set alight. I hoped the actor playing the bunny had escaped.

Everyone cheered as this gigantic rabbit quickly turned into a fireball. The sparks flew wildly into the air and I was very happy with this spectacular finale to a very bizarre evening’s entertainment.

This event, brought to you by the people behind the secret Rabbit Hole stage at Glastonbury, was reminiscent of immersive theatrical experiences like Sleep No More and Punch Drunk. If I had one niggle, it would be that there weren’t enough clues to solve or enough rooms to explore. However, on the whole, this was a very memorable and entertaining one-off experience and I would recommend attending one of their future events.