How to Hide being sacked from previous jobs
*** Our Monday Comedy Blog – To make going to work a little more light hearted ***
I have an impeccable dismissal record. Whilst only 18 I’d already been sacked from 4 jobs for my sick days, lateness, bad attitude and general incompetence.
I expertly cover my tracks so current bosses never find out. The reference issue is tricky. Companies with high staff turnovers will only issue a generic reference stating your job title and date worked. Luckily my dismissal reason of shouting at the Site Manager in front of a client was not mentioned. I had to put my most recent work reference on my CV though, and gave the name of a friend.
As long as you make a decent start to your role they won’t bother to chase up this reference. Adopt a fake smile and pretend to enjoy your job for the first 2 months. After this ‘honeymoon’ period you can allow your abusive rants and general inappropriateness to seep out. Pass this off as “becoming comfortable” within the company when complained about.
Avoid any mention of your previous dismissals and block your colleagues before they add you on Facebook- you’ll only delete them as they start to irritate you.
If your Manager finds out about your previous dismissal, claim you had a similar name to an incompetent colleague and were sacked by clerical error. Say your Manager was so embarrassed that he dismissed you to save face.
If that doesn’t wash, tell your Manager to clear his desk as you’re sacking him. When he’s thoroughly shocked and confused say “see how easy it is to get mixed up over dismissals.”
Next Monday: How to bump up your holiday allowance.
Previous Posts
How to hide you’re applying for others jobs
How to break the silence in your office
How to avoid conversations with Management
How to tunnel out of your office
How to stop nosy colleagues looking at your screen
How to antagonise the entire company
How to exploit recruitment companies
How to overcome boredom in the job you hate
How to avoid phone calls in the job you hate
How to sabotage a client visit
How to defeat the office seating plan
How to manage a hangover in the job you hate
Why you shouldn’t get promoted from the job you hate
How to survive January in the job you hate
How to survive the Christmas party
How to nail an interview for a job you’ll hate
How to get away with fraudulent sick days
How to get away with calamitous mistakes
How to uses your Manager’s jargon against him
How to let HR know you’re not to be trifled with
How to fake enthusiasm for the job you hate
How to bully the Manager who’s bullying you
How to tolerate the colleagues you hate
How to nail an appeal letter after being sacked from the job you hate
How to make a disastrous impression on your new Manager
How to antagonize the customer you’ve already antagonized
How to get away with bellowing at your Manager
How to hide your incompetence from the Manager you hate
How to find and expose snakes in the office
