Business

How to interrogate your nemesis

My task today was to interrogate my grotty, rotter of a nemesis, the former Customer Service Supervisor. Our working relationship was always somewhat strained by my habit of throwing stationery at her, but now framing for murder I felt it had deteriorated further.

I had looked forward to this duel for some time. It was certainly more enticing than the prospect of the weekly management meeting that I usually jargoned my way through. No this was definitely more fun. I even watched a marathon of classic legal show Matlock in preparation.

I had hired a make-up artist to re-model me in the style of the silver haired, bushy eye-browed central character from the show. This process had taken several hours, which handily ate up most of my office hours between spells in court. The rest I spent berating my employees for my own amusement.

I started my interrogation with some simple general knowledge questions that even she couldn’t get wrong. I did this to establish her sound mind in case she tried pleading insanity. I ramped up proceedings with some aggressive questioning and shouting, adopting a facial twitch throughout to unnerve her. She held firm.

My opposing lawyer had briefed her well. She kept her answers short and didn’t engage with any of the name calling or volleys of verbal abuse I flung at her. She even used one of my classic tricks and broke down in tears. This displeased me.

I threw my stapler at her.

 

Written by Martin Stocks | @Stocks1986

The trial continues next Monday.

The previous series can be read here.

Watch Martin’s interviews with filmmaker Ken Loach and The Green Party.