How to maintain sanity in the job you hate

Hate Manager

Already regretting retracting my resignation, I now hide in the toilet and shout into the sink for no particular reason.


I leave the toilet to find the Manager outside staring at me. I consider telling him that the stifling silence in my office means I have to escape and occasionally scream into the sink. I just grin at him smugly instead… I chuckle, remembering that I’d also filled the sink to the brink with water- a new habit I’ve developed.


Back at my desk, I decide to convince my Manager I’ve developed a facial tick. I swivel in my chair, spasm and bite the air in a single, seemingly involuntary movement… Sometimes I add a shriek.


The irony of maintaining sanity by faking madness is not lost on me. I start blurting out dictators, as though involuntary. “Mugabe, Hussein, Pinochet!” I scream, with a twitch and shriek to boot. He starts to give me a wide birth. I feel they’re reluctant to sack a worker who’s lost his mind as a result of the job. A law-suit waiting to happen.


I start tapping my Manager on his head whenever I pass him. When he asks for an explanation I merely shriek. He stops asking for explanations but does ask me to improve my productivity. I now sprint everywhere instead of walking. “Out of my way!” I scream, as I hurtle through the corridors. A female colleague doesn’t heed this advice and gets knocked to the floor.


Later at a family meal, genuinely involuntarily, I shriek and bite the air. I realise these ticks are no longer under my control. I sprint to the toilets, fill the sink with water, and realise that I am now genuinely insane.


Next Monday: How to avoid murdering your Manager


Written by Martin Stocks | @Stocks1986

Martin runs our collaborative story High Society. Read our latest piece here.


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