James Bond

Vol 5: Brumbridge makes enquiries at Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium

Dennis Brumbridge expects the best and he has recently discovered Twitter. Each week we publish Dennis’ demands to real companies and their genuine responses.


They say you’re either a dog person or a cat person. Well, as a proud owner of a hound (my beloved Timmy) I had always assumed I was the former. But then I became aware of Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium and my curiosity to visit encouraged me to test this concept.


They didn’t respond immediately which vexed me a smidge. But then finally I got this:


Followed by this…


My warmth for them returned. I began excitedly imagining what this feline emporium was like (in my head it was like Cleopatra’s palace but with only cats and no humans and me instead of Elizabeth Taylor).

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And so I did. At once.



Notice the red arrow which I added with Microsoft Paint (a hugely underrated image manipulation programme). The redness of the arrow isn’t accidental by the way, it represents the concern I had…


She was either dim-witted or blind as a bat. As a sensitive soul I chose not to ask her which of these she was. I sent this instead:

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Whoever I was talking to, I decided, was quite sweet really. I pictured a shy farmer’s daughter type. Perhaps this timid creature would accommodate my next request…

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She didn’t reply. But as she had favourited my tweet I assumed this was yes… It wasn’t a yes.

So am I a dog or cat person? WHO CARES! My beloved dog has been replaced with a throbbing dog bite, I’ve been banned from the Cat Emporium for life and – no matter how much I try – my favourite loafers continue to smell of cat piss.

Next week, Dennis wants to upgrade his phone contract to frustrating results

Follow Dennis on Twitter @BrumbridgeD