Dennis Brumbridge expects the best and he has recently discovered Twitter. We publish Dennis’ demands to real companies and their genuine responses.
Last weekend work sent me on a two day conference in Liverpool. I had heard worrying things about the place… high crime rates, women wearing hair rollers when popping to Tesco and reports of a dangerous bogie man called Purple Aki. Turns out these things were just three tiny tips of one giant iceberg.
Things started badly even before I’d arrived when I discovered my outward train journey from London was standard class. And then when I arrived in Liverpool I quickly became a victim of their own train system.
Then I remembered about the funeral of their late celebrity ambassador…
Instead of accepting 15 minutes of dead time as an acceptable concept in life I got a taxi to the hotel. I then sought out a takeaway where I encountered severe communication problems.
Then I realised I had perhaps made a mistake…
Except it was terrible Chow Mein. I spent the next two days with my bottom on the toilet and my face in the sink. I missed the entire conference.
By the time Sunday had come I was a broken shell of a man and hungrier than anyone has ever been. All that kept me going was the knowledge my return journey to London was First Class and that I would have a hearty meal waiting for me. I tweeted this to @VirginTrains.
After clicking the link I saw the ‘reduced service menu’. I very nearly fainted when I saw what was included.
Unbelievable. But I calmed myself and responded reasonably and politely.
Then I had an even better idea.
(The Burger King is in the station so this was hardly an imposition.)
They didn’t respond.
Despite a noble apology from me there was still no reply. When as the train started chugging out of the station it failed to muffle the sound of my own belly rumbling. I made them aware I was on the train. And very hungry.
Ten minutes later it did indeed arrive…
I’m not ashamed to tell you I devoured eight boxes. They barely touched the sides.
Next week, Brumbridge heads to Marvel Studios to pitch his superhero idea!
… Follow Dennis on Twitter @BrumbridgeD
Read Dennis take on Dyson