Business

How to overcome boredom in the job you hate

dv2207023*** This post is for Entertainment purposes only and should not in anyway be taken as advice ***

My job is tedious. My colleagues are dull. The salary is minimal… I don’t like my job.

After a disastrous cold call in which I deliberately antagonized a customer, I decided to make no more sales calls. I quickly faked enough calls to avoid my Manager’s complaints. My next problem was the crushing silence and boredom in the office. Nobody speaks; as if they do they get complained about by the office snake. Several attempts at conversation with my team only increased my boredom levels. My only option seems to be to return to my sales calls, but I really don’t want to… I hatched a plan.

I emailed the Managers and volunteered to represent the Department at the upcoming focus group meeting. Not only did this disguise my apathy and contempt for the company, it also gave me a reason to leave my desk. I walked around the company with my notepad pretending to ask for people’s ideas for the meeting. I milked this for well over an hour. I faked a few more sales calls, then pretended I’d forgotten people and hid in the kitchen for another 20 minutes.

When it came to the meeting I hammered away at the Managing Director over the terrible salaries, unrealistic targets, negative atmosphere and overall boredom factor. I phrased my grievances as “I’ve been asked to bring up…” to disguise my issues as the Department’s issues. I made the Managing Director as uncomfortable as possible and told him everyone was paid 3-5k less than they should be. I was having so much fun that I asked the MD to reduce his salary to allow for pay rises. He laughed. I stared at him seriously and said “come on now lad”.

He escaped to the toilet when I threatened to crash frying pans together every time I heard the office snake tutting. On his return I immediately returned to my point. I didn’t want to let him off the hook and I invented the toilet escape! I extended this meeting for well over two hours to delay my return to the office. Having a platform to antagonise the Manager on how poorly he’s running the company is a real treat.

I told the MD he should buy a defibrillator for the office as I nearly have a heart attack every time I see my wage slip. Like all good things this meeting eventually came to an end. I returned to the office on the biggest high since bellowing at the Site Manager many moons ago.

Later on the MD came over to our Department and opened his mouth to demand we got back on the phone. He took one look at me, closed his mouth and walked away.

Next Monday: How to exploit the recruitment company who’s exploiting you

Written by Martin Stocks
Twitter: Stocks1986