How to survive a pep talk from the Manager you hate

I had a pep talk from my Manager on Thursday. I called in sick on Friday and resigned on Monday. I don’t like pep talks.

I demanded an urgent meeting with two senior Managers to tell them that my £360 pay rise was an insult. I questioned why it’d taken nearly four months to make this decision. I asked whether it was a wise decision to lose their most profitable employee. I mentioned that my wage equated to just £50 more a week than the dole. I asked why they thought over 25% of the company’s staff had left in the last year.

I was told to knuckle down and work even harder this year. They said my targets were very achievable and I should make £10,000 commission this year. I resisted the urge to laugh and simply made a “hmmmmmm” noise. I silently walked out, flicking the light switch- plunging them into darkness as I left.

If you’re about to be sacked you must hand in your resignation first. Have your resignation letter written out and always in your pocket. That way you can quickly resign if you’re called into a dismissal hearing. I didn’t manage this in my previous job.

If they’re about to dismiss you, a HR Manager will be present. They’ll start by saying “We’ve taken the decision to…” Don’t let them finish this sentence. A foghorn noise will stop them dead. Hand over your resignation letter and run out of the room before they can dismiss you.

The aim is now to get put on fully paid “gardening leave” so you don’t have to work your notice period.

Next Monday: How to get put on gardening leave

Written by Martin Stocks | @Stocks1986

Martin runs our collaborative story High Society. Read our latest piece here.

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