How to stop nosy colleagues looking at your screen


A nosy colleague who sits behind me desperately tries to see my screen so she can report me to Management. Every company has one of these joyless people and you mustn’t let them see your screen.


This gradually decomposing spinster is desperate to catch me on Twitter or Facebook so she can grass me up to Management. I’m not sure why, but as Michael Caine said “Some people just want to watch the world burn”. I’ve installed a small mirror on my monitor so I can monitor her. The watcher becomes the watched! When I see her peering over at my screen I immediately turn, and grin madly at her. Sometimes I use the mirror to reflect the sunlight into her eyes, which I particularly enjoy. Pavlovian conditioning will eventually teach her not to look at my screen.


I learnt to recognise her footsteps so I could quickly minimise my offending screen. She got wise and started creeping up the stairs and bursting through the office door. Not to be defeated, I taped a small bell to her back. I could then hear the jingling as she approached. Her hearing isn’t what it used to be so she’s none the wiser.


If she persists to look at my screen I open a word document and write her full name repeatedly. I do this in a large font to make sure she can see it. When I got onto my fourth page she freaked out and reported me to Management.


I deleted this document immediately and claimed she was losing her mind. “She’s already started taping bells to her back for heaven sake!”


Next Monday: How to tunnel out of the office you hate


Written by Martin Stocks

Tweet me @Stocks1986


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