How to sabotage a client visit
Before every client visit Management warn me to behave appropriately. I conspire with colleagues and we decide to set a pig loose in the office, but this is London and farmyard animals are hard to find.
We are already on final warnings over a recent bout of impromptu singing to customers. We considered simply working normally throughout this visit, but quickly discarded this foolish idea. The Manager saw us conspiring and vowed to get the client in and out as quickly as possible. He refused to give an exact time of this visit so we had to carefully plan our disruptions and they had to happen at short notice.
Before we could decide on an exact plan, the ageing client was quickly paraded through the office by our Manager. I stared at her, for once lost for ideas. The client stared past me, her mouth open in horror! I turned to see my friend grinning madly at her and banging his keyboard like a monkey. Myself and 3 others quickly joined in banging our keyboards in unison. She was led out of the office, utterly dismayed at what she’d witnessed.
The Manager was so desperate to impress her that he didn’t notice our chimpanzee routine. The client was so angry that she couldn’t speak, which he took as a good sign. He bid her farewell and then thanked us for not causing a scene.
At the Manager’s annual client presentation he was asked if he recruited directly from a mental asylum. Weeks later he fearfully announced the next client visit. I got on the phone to the nearest pig farms.
Next Monday: How to fake phone calls in the job you hate
Written by Martin Stocks
Tweet me @Stocks1986- https://twitter.com/Stocks1986
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