How to tolerate the colleagues you hate
“Good morning”, I cheerfully greet my colleagues. One mumbles a response, the rest don’t bother. Most of these tedious drones don’t speak and the ones that do shouldn’t.
The office is shrouded in a crushing, prolonged silence broken only by moans, rants and tuts from the Customer Service Supervisor. Each tut is a dagger to my numb brain, worsened by the teeth kissing sound that follows. A noise more suited to an East London delinquent, than a decaying, spinster from Westminster. Her foul mouthed rants are replaced by a polite façade as soon as a Manager enters. I wanted to humiliate her by ringing a bell every time she tutted, but HR wouldn’t allow it. I started crashing frying pans together instead.
Engineer an escape from your crushing office as often as possible. Drink excessive water and mention your weak bladder so your Manager’s reluctant to bring up your frequent breaks. I have at least 2 toilet breaks an hour. I prefer the company in there.
Another trick is to carry a post-it-note as you wander the building aimlessly. When passing a Manager wave this note, nod somberly and stride purposefully passed. Spice things up by writing “SACK ME” on the post-it-note and see how many Managers you can wave this at without them realizing.
Irritate your colleagues as much as they irritate you. Focus on one in particular each day. The more regimented they are the more you should re-arrange their desks, food shelf and filing. Leave a single pea on their desk whenever they leave it. Get some in their coat pockets too for added annoyance when they get home. Keep this up every day. Mention that you’ve been finding peas too. Whip your colleagues into such a frenzy that these peas are mentioned in the monthly newsletter… Why not slip an occasional carrot into their pocket?
Alleviate your prolonged boredom by humiliating and angering your woeful colleagues. And then escalate your campaign to the Management.
Next Monday: How to bully the Manager who’s bullying you
Written by Martin Stocks.
Follow Martin on Twitter @Stocks1986 or https://twitter.com/Stocks1986
Previous Posts
How to nail an appeal letter after being sacked from the job you hate. http://ow.ly/pM7Fz
How to make a disastrous impression on your new Manager http://shar.es/EfmWh
How to antagonize the customer you’ve already antagonized. ow.ly/pm8Es
How to get away with bellowing at your Manager ow.ly/p6hG0
How to hide your incompetence from the Manager you hate ow.ly/oSVp8
How to find and expose snakes in the office http://ow.ly/oFKNi
*** All posts are for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken as advice***
