Single Again

There’s often this view that when a relationship breaks down it’s an immediate fall. Some have parachutes and they’ll land safely, others hit rock bottom and need to take time to recover. I’ve recently become single myself and I came out of my relationship six days before I was about to propose. Most would say I’m free falling and my parachute is still on the plane, friends kept checking up on me, some even joked that they feared I’d have turned to suicide, not a funny joke at all, but sometimes breakups can hit you that hard.

The reality would surprise you. Now before you continue to read on, be warned this isn’t going to be me giving an autopsy of where things went wrong, out of respect for all concerned, I’m going to simply outline my faults and show why wearing an outfit that doesn’t fit can leave you looking like a fool.

So I flirted, entertained others and got caught, I never physically cheated before you draw that conclusion, but I was disloyal, now there’s no justification in that, but when someone fails to show their strength when times are hard you begin to asses how strong your ship really is and I’ll start by saying I’m happier because of my mistakes, they gave me reality. I was never confronted about my secret flirting or moments of disloyalty, instead I only discovered she knew the minute after I caught her in a lie of her own. I don’t know the real truth and I don’t care enough to speculate, but her response to catching me out was to go ahead and do the same. Now there are many facts that I’m going to miss out here, because quite simply this is a story of my past and not my present or future, so a debate of right or wrong isn’t needed because as we all know, two wrongs don’t make it right.

To me that was enough to know she wasn’t what I wanted, that moment it all came to a head, I knew this will never be the woman I would be happy with, not because she wasn’t a great woman, she was amazing and a lot of men would probably worship the ground she walked on, but to me, I needed someone different. The sad part was I didn’t know or see that until the day it all became obvious.

“Why plan on proposing” you may wonder. It’s what she wanted, it’s what she’d asked for, the same day, knowing my wrongs and she then still went and made her wrong. I believed a ring held the power of promise and I genuinely believed her strength was greater than mine, I thought that ring could help me rebuild myself to protect and shield something amazing. The reality is all I’d have ended up doing was giving a stranger my life and cementing myself in a world where it was so far from what I needed to grow.

So the parachute, did I have one? Or did I crash land? I didn’t jump, I floated from the plane into a hot air balloon, right now emotionally, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and this was a relationship I’d convinced myself I couldn’t live with out. The truth is I was hanging onto, what to the outsiders was a perfect relationship and I spent so long telling others to just be themselves and to quote myself “ignore what society dictates”; I instead found out that i have a journey and a broken relationship can be fixed, but I saw the beauty in the destruction, it’s an art, it fails because we blur the lines between love and desire. I love everyone, some my instincts were ignored, with every display of affection I lead myself further away from the truth.

I really think people find themselves in different relationships to suit different seasons, it’s a way of growth for some. There’s a real sadness in losing someone you’ve grown with and it doesn’t help when it’s someone you’ve given so much time to, however I think when you’re at a distance from that person you get a chance to see how you’re valued by others. Now I’m not saying having multiples of interests highlights this, but the friends and people around you find you more accessible and there’s an air of freedom again, which leaves the door of truth open.

When you find that person who offers you what you know you need, you won’t ever set a foot wrong and I genuinely believe as a man loyalty is something you’ll hold and never falter on once you’re with the right woman, women likewise. I’ve matured and grown with every relationship and my last was no exception, so never feel bad about moving on, it’s a path to the right one.

By Norradean Amorro