Your Children may be Endangered

WARNING: Sensors detect oncoming rant. Approach with caution.

Time and time again, I find myself questioning the actions of certain parents while conversely questioning whether or not I myself could, would or should be considered a good parent. Needless to say, it is not easy to raise a child and although there are legions of books which will hurl tips, tirades and tentatively try to tell you how it should be done the fact is – for all their similarities – every single child is different, as is every parent, therefore each parent-child relationship is different and the way in which each parent must approach each child should also be different.

So can one ever truly say this is a good parent but that is a bad one? Well, yes. There are very clear-cut things that we can easily identify as good or bad in any aspect of life but it is within the realms of the grey – bombarded by the minute to small variances from person to person – that we often find ourselves with no breadcrumbs to follow.

There are things I wouldn’t even dream of doing with my child that, to others, appear as natural as breathing. The “Child safety harness” is a perfect example of this. Call it what you want, but it’s basically a leash and it is a sight that absolutely gets on, in and around my nerves. I understand that sometimes children get excited and you want to keep them safe but come on…a leash? Really? The only thing I hate more than people who treat their pets like children, are the ones who treat their children like animals. Why is your child on a leash?

To those of you who are saying, ‘but little Archie or Lucy-May runs off every time I remove the harness’, the reason they run is because you had them on a leash! If someone put you on a leash, the very first thing you would do whenever the chance arose is become Forrest Gump. How many times did Kunta run? Even when the guy only had a piece of foot to his name he was still trying to break free.

People don’t like to be restrained or held captive and that remains the same whether we are infants or pensioners. So again I ask, why is your child on a leash and furthermore, why are you not holding their hand if you are worried they might run off? Or how about you do something crazy and speak to your child. Explain to them why they must stay close, where they can be seen. I know some of you just stood up to tell me that children simply don’t understand the dangers of the world. Realise that children, irrespective of how small, inexperienced and dependent they can be, are perfectly capable of understanding anything you take the time to actually explain to them. Every child I interact with, I treat them as if they have a brain because oh my god, guess what? They do!

Even when a child isn’t completely capable of telling you everything they want to say, I assure you they understand the vast majority of what you’re saying to them and the only way to ripen that understanding is to feed it by interacting with it.

Children are far more capable than many seem to believe and in the end, I think it comes down to laziness. Children can be taxing. Having to repeat the same thing over can be annoying, not to mention time consuming, especially when you have a slew of things you need to do. I get that. Really I do – but here’s the thing; this child is here because of you. They did not choose to enter this world and whether you planned to have a baby or they were a circumstantial surprise that you have merely had to adapt to, the fact is, they’re in this world because of you. So it is your responsibility to care for, guide, nurture and teach them. Listen and Speak to them. How can you shout and bark at them then wonder why they’re giving you the big zero treatment half the time. It’s because you don’t speak to them, you speak at them – and I use the term “speak” rather loosely here.

I could go on for an eternity but what really spurred this is something I have seen too often and irks me almost more than all I have mentioned combined; The Parental Dictators. You know the type; you’ve seen them. The ones who tell their little boy he can’t play with dolls because “they are for girls” or the ones who seem to think their little girl absolutely must have a toy kitchen, a buggy and several Barbie’s. I am aware that the market is populated by gendered toys but, just because a toy is marketed towards one sex, it does not mean it cannot or should not be played with by whoever wants to play with it.

Stop telling your children what they cannot be and start helping them to realize they should aspire to be anything they want to be and they should interact with all that enchants and inspires them. Give them the tools and the space to explore, experiment and find out for themselves what they like and what they don’t. Give them the chance to make mistakes for he who has not made a mistake has never tried anything new. The world out there is going to try and shut them down more than enough as adults, without you doing it to them as children and who knows, perhaps allowing them to find themselves of their own accord with the security of knowing that you will help them back up if needed when they fall, will allow them to grow into much stronger and more capable individuals. Individuals who fight back and stand firm when the big bads of this life try to knock them down.

Don’t stifle their ascent. Don’t obstruct their growth. Don’t shackle and imprison them; help them soar. This doesn’t mean you let them run rampant and wild, but give them the chance to find their way.

They are the only one of their kind, so let them stand tall and love them for who they are not who you think they should be.

Written by Jack.