*** Warning if this does not get you through the Bank Holiday blues then nothing will. Comedy at its best***
Apologies for my prolonged absence. Since I may or may not have murdered my Manager and framed the Customer Service Supervisor I’ve been a busy bee. I was promoted to Management following my devastating smear campaign against the other contenders.
I then had to endure, avoid or disrupt the daily meetings with middle managers and tedious talk of their mortgages, MOT’s or brat kids. Not for me thank you. I decided to engineer my way to the centre of the murder trial by claiming I was an eye witness to the crime. As the real perpetrator this was technically true.
After causing a hilarious bomb scare at the office I was away to the Police Station to report I’d witnessed the murder. One misstep and I would incriminate myself, but it was worth the risk to get out of the office for a bit.
I expensed the most lavish suit I could find and played up my ‘reluctance’ to testify for my colleagues benefit. The press soon dubbed me the ‘star witness’, partly as I arrived to court in a stretched limousine, expensing it to my employers naturally.
Seeing the decaying Customer Service Supervisor led into court in handcuffs reduced me to hysterical giggles, which I managed to pass off as crying to gain sympathy from the jury. They weren’t the prettiest bunch but I was fully prepared to seduce them if need be.
As I approached the stand, I flashed a quick grin at the old spinster in the box. As I recounted ‘her’ murder she screamed “Liar!” The Judge smashed his gavel yelling “order” and I let out quiet chuckle. Let the games begin.
The trial continues next Monday.
Written by Martin Stocks | @Stocks1986