High Society: Charlie Chp 4

Charlie was in the middle of his very first job interview. It was for the position of Account Manager at Ventura Bank, owned by his Father’s old friend from Eaton. After losing the families Malbery Pocket Watch this was Charlie’s final lifeline; if he messed it up his Dad would never allow him back in the townhouse.

“I’ll be honest with you Charlie,” his fat-faced, haughty interviewer began, “the job is easy. But it requires a classy person who knows the best restaurants to take his clients. You will be wining and dining our most high-end clients… CEOs, Lords… the crème de the crème of British society. All on the company credit card of course. Your Dad assures me you’d be perfect for this position. All I need to know is, do you think you’re right for Ventura Bank?”

This was Charlie’s one and only interview question. All he had to do was say one word – “Yes” – and he’d get the easiest job in the world. He would then be given a £10,000 start up fee, a company car and an expenses credit card – all right now. But sense had never been one of Charlie’s virtues… easily distracted perhaps, lazy definitely, overly impulsive… but not sensible. So when Charlie’s phone rang just as the interview question was posed, the odds were firmly against Charlie to answer well.

“Hold on two ticks” Charlie said and slid open his phone.

It was Joe, the unofficial bounty-hunter searching for the golden pocket watch that Charlie had had conned out of him. Charlie was succinctly informed by Joe that he had found a lead and wanted to meet.

“What good news old boy! Fuckably good news, in fact. Of course I can meet you. What am I doing now? Oh nothing much… just nailing an interview I think. When and where do you want to meet old boy? Waterloo it is… fuck a duck, my pen isn’t working. Hold on. Hey do you have a pen I could use?”

His interviewer stared at him aghast. He was not used to such profanity. Charlie quickly grabbed the ‘Aurora Diamante’ fountain pen from his table and roughly wrote down the address on his vacant CV (the font was comic sans, size eighteen and his information still looked spacious on one page). Charlie finished the call and smiled his affable, vacant smile at his interviewer.

“Sorry can you repeat your question old boy?”

“I asked, why do you think you’re right for Ventura Bank? But after that I’m not sure you are right!”

“I think I broke your pen…” Charlie said, not listening. The nib had fallen off due to his heavy handedness.

“The nib cost £700 alone!”

“Sorry old boy. Anyway, I’ll let you know if I will be able to accept. Right now I need to see a man about a watch. My phone is low on battery so don’t call me, I’ll call you. See you old boy.”

And with that Charlie was gone. His interviewer stared after him livid. As Charlie walked out he held open the door for an attractive lady.

“Thank you,” she said in an American accent. She was Marion and had an appointment to set up a new UK account…

Written by Martin Stocks | @Stocks1986 and Gareth Brown |@GarethBrown26

Read Martin’s comedic Monday blog on how to survive your day job here. Check out Gareth’s Youtube Channel and Booksie Page for his films and short stories.

Next Wednesday: Joe

Chapter One

Part 1: Charlie Malbery

Part 2: Albert

Part 3: Ernest Malbery

Part 4: Ingrid

Part 5: Dalton

Part 6: Melody

Part 7: Marion

Chapter Two

Part 1: Albert

Part 2: Melody