Business

How to bump up your holiday allowance

** First day back after the long weekend? Its time to laugh with our comedy blog ***

The worse your job the less holiday days you will receive. The legal minimum for full time workers is 28, which after bank holidays is more like 20.

 

If your pay is accrued by days worked, your holiday allowance should be too. My company are breaking employment law on this one and only give holiday allowance for complete months worked. So everyone who joined part way through a month accrued no holiday days for working that month. I’ve threatened Union action and they’ve reluctantly admitted their “error” and given everyone the correct amount of holiday.

 

However, as a result of my Manager’s hire ‘em fire ‘em policy we’re so short staffed that I can’t take my extra holiday until he recruits. I’ve threatened to leave to add to the crisis.

 

When on annual leave, text your Manager to book the next day off too. If he refuses say “Well in that case I’m sick then”. If allowed tell him you’ll book it officially on your system when back in your office. Become so “busy” on your return that you forget. If your Manager asks you to do this, claim the system’s down until he forgets.

 

Bump up your meagre holiday allowance with some well-timed sick days. Don’t waste your 5 paid sick days on genuine illness as you’ll feel crap at home too. You want to be able to enjoy your sick days. 

 

Always stay off for an extra day after several days on holiday. Tell your Manager you can’t work effectively when jet lagged. “But you didn’t leave the country”. Respond with, “I can’t discuss this any further as I’ve some minor errands to run.” Hang up, turn your phone off and enjoy your extra day off.

Next Monday: How to look busy whilst doing nothing

Written by Martin Stocks | @Stocks1986

 

Previous Posts

How to hide you’re applying for others jobs

How to break the silence in your office

How to avoid conversations with Management

How to tunnel out of your office

How to stop nosy colleagues looking at your screen

How to antagonise the entire company

How to exploit recruitment companies

How to overcome boredom in the job you hate

How to avoid phone calls in the job you hate

How to sabotage a client visit

How to defeat the office seating plan

How to manage a hangover in the job you hate

Why you shouldn’t get promoted from the job you hate

How to survive January in the job you hate

How to survive the Christmas party

How to nail an interview for a job you’ll hate

How to get away with fraudulent sick days

How to get away with calamitous mistakes

How to uses your Manager’s jargon against him

How to let HR know you’re not to be trifled with

How to fake enthusiasm for the job you hate

How to bully the Manager who’s bullying you

How to tolerate the colleagues you hate

How to nail an appeal letter after being sacked from the job you hate

How to make a disastrous impression on your new Manager

How to antagonize the customer you’ve already antagonized

How to get away with bellowing at your Manager

How to hide your incompetence from the Manager you hate

How to find and expose snakes in the office