High Society: Albert Chapter 3

high society

“Take me to the sea!” Albert shouted as he jumped into a taxi.


Albert had become more impulsive with age, and why not indeed? Today he longed to stand on a pier and watch the waves crash against the rocks. He’d enjoyed doing this with his late wife for many a fine year. Today, he watched the gentle lapping of The Thames, as the taxi driver had refused to go to the seaside.


Albert smiled fondly at this distant memory before becoming hungry once more. He had eaten poached eggs for breakfast at his usual breakfast café, but now had a hankering for more. He promptly handed his packed lunch to a homeless man, Joe, who held an expensive mobile phone. Most would have wondered why a homeless fellow has such an expensive phone, but Albert didn’t pry, and certainly not when his mind was on poached eggs.


As he finished his eggs, Albert couldn’t find his novel and thought he must have left it in the taxi. He asked the waitress to get his taxi driver on the line, but she merely giggled and walked away. Albert was most unhappy with this service and left her a 20% tip instead of his usual 30%.


He couldn’t remember why he had such an attachment to this book as he explained his predicament to Joe, who was all too happy to help and referred to Albert as “My Lord”. Albert couldn’t remember if he was a Lord or not, but rather liked the idea he was. He was impressed to hear that the homeless man was atoning for his sins by living on the streets and was trying to track down a scoundrel by the name of Denny.


Joe flagged Albert a taxi and explained the situation to the driver, whose eyes lit as he realised Albert was a man of means. Albert leaned out of the window and said, “Denny you say? I’ll listen out for that name and commit it to memory.” He forgot it immediately.


They fruitlessly visited numerous taxi ranks in search of his precious novel, until Albert cried out in great dismay, realising he hadn’t tipped the waitress for his breakfast. “To my breakfast café with great haste!” The driver didn’t know where Albert’s breakfast café was, and neither did Albert come to think of it. Eventually they stumbled upon it. Albert paid the hefty fare and charged into the café.


Finding the waitress behind the counter, he gave her a belated £10 tip and apologised profusely for his bad form. She reached behind the counter and handed him his treasured novel, which he had left there earlier that morning. “Magical!” He shouted as a twinkle appeared in his eyes.


“Take me to a magic show”, Albert shouted, as he jumped into another Taxi.


Written by Martin Stocks | @Stocks1986


Read Martin’s comedic Monday blog on how to survive your day job here.


Next Wednesday: Melody


Please comment below to share your thoughts or to suggest plot ideas for our writing team.


Chapter One

Part 1: Charlie Malbery

Part 2: Albert

Part 3: Ernest Malbery

Part 4: Ingrid

Part 5: Dalton

Part 6: Melody

Part 7: Marion


Chapter Two

Part 1: Albert

Part 2: Melody

Part 3:Marion

Part 4: Ingrid

Part 5: Dalton

Part 6: Charlie


Chapter Three

Part 1: Denny Rogers

Part 2: The homeless man