School Dinners: Review
On Saturday night I entered The Central Foundation Boys School in Shoreditch for an evening of fine dining and entertainment. It was the first time I’d entered a school in a decade, and the first time I’d been excited to do so.
Rows of long tables were lined up facing the stage. The balconies and walls were covered with projections of old pictures of the school and pupils. This was a nice touch that gave a hint of the school’s heritage and history. I was shown to the press table and handed a brilliant rum, ginger beer and lime cocktail. I happily sipped this and ate a delicious Italian cheese and cranberry canapé.
The compare or Head Mistress for the evening was Chastity Butterworth, an unrecognisable Gemma Whelan from Game of Thrones. She was an absolute delight throughout the evening as the incredibly posh, foul-mouthed and inappropriate Head Mistress. She mentioned that she had been “buzzing off her tits like a badger” on a recent drug trip, which was a fantastic ice-breaker. This character was so unexpected that the audience were in hysterics and well and truly warmed up for the first speaker Joe Dunthorne.
Joe Dunthorne wrote the novel Submarine, now an acclaimed feature film directed by Richard Ayoade. He read out an interactive story and allowed the audience to decide which direction the story took. At key moments in the story the audience were presented with 4 options and had to shout out or bang cutlery to vote. We also decided the gender of the two protagonists, one called Alex and the other nameless. The majority of men, myself included chose woman and woman. This romantic story, and I use the word romantic loosely, was very wittily written and delivered with brilliant comic timing.
After a starter of parsnip, pear and mushroom salad with celeriac puree I nipped to the toilet before the next speaker. I passed a line of photos from famous former students of this school. I noticed Martin Kemp of Eastenders and Spandeau Ballet fame. I wondered why his brother Ross Kemp didn’t attend the same school, before remembering they were name-sakes and not actually brothers. I imagined Ross Kemp growing up in some rough London school before discovering acting. Before I knew it the next speaker was on and I had been staring at a picture of Martin Kemp for several minutes without even visiting the toilet.
I returned to watch experimental composer Matthew Herbert deliver an interesting lecture on his experiences of working with sounds and scoring music. He discussed deconstructing the sound of an explosion and recording the sound of a thousand battery hens simultaneously hatching. He said this made a dreadful noise and I believe him. An interesting point he made was how the sounds of the past, excluding music, have been largely lost.
Our main course of pork belly with roast vegetables arrived and was delicious. The waiting and bar staff were all friendly and lively. Our host Chastity returned to the stage with a hilarious anecdote about her husband’s weak bladder that was fantastically written and performed. Her subtle nuances of curtseying and saying “you’re welcome” to the audience after a particularly inappropriate remark were laugh out loud every time. I was amazed that she was the same actress who played vicious, tough-talking Northerner Yara Greyjoy in Game of Thrones.
Soulful musician and singer Fred Page played three of his songs and had the audience spell-bound with his unique and powerful voice. Hollie McNish followed with her lively performance poetry on topics ranging from pregnancy to Transformers. The lyrics were funny, entertaining and profound and she gave very endearing introductions to each poem.
After a delicious sticky toffee pudding dessert I dashed to the toilet, determined not to be distracted by pictures of the famous Alumni from this school. On my return I noticed a picture that looked suspiciously like Robert De Niro. It claimed it wasn’t him but I’ll let you make your own minds up.
The entertainment was rounded off with comedic dancer Jenny Fawcett who had the audience up on their feet learning some moves. She dragged up a man in the front row who gamely had to dance across the stage for several minutes, whilst she quipped at his expense. She was a very funny and outlandish performer and brought a very lively end to a fantastic evening.
The night had something for everyone and was a great mixture of fine dining and top notch entertainment. The night was brought to us by Cult Events who provide the amazing food and drink and Jack Arts who put on the awesome entertainment. I’d thoroughly recommend subscribing to their mailing list and checking out their next events.
In words of our host Chastity Butterworth “Hurrah!”
http://www.schooldinners.info/
Written by Martin Stocks
Follow Martin on Twitter @Stocks1986 or https://twitter.com/Stocks1986
